HOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT WHEN STARTING OVER.

You’re starting over in life and getting clear on what you want is your first priority.

When deciding what life you want to live, the first thing you should do is always the same:

Clearing the noise of your mind and checking in with your higher self is so powerful when starting over in life because once your mind is free of distractions, you’ll feel a shift toward ideas and solutions for possible futures for yourself.

Think of this shift as your new ability to connect to your inner guidance system (also known as intuition.)

It’s always been there, although the skill of tapping into your inner guidance system only develops when you’ve turned down the noise coming from outside distractions.

Distractions To Clarity:

(In no particular order: One is as important as the other.)

Distraction #1: Random Thoughts

First, accept that you are not your thoughts. Our reptilian brains are hard-wired for survival, which means that some thoughts come and go on that basis. Irrational random thoughts, such as, “I can’t do this,” or “I’m not enough of that,” are ridiculous brain pollution.

Read, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle, or listen to the audio. His voice is soothing and his wisdom is highly actionable.

Distraction #2: Daily Stress

Your daily stress gets in the way of a clear mind. Stress comes from your reaction to a situation that your body and mind find adverse or demanding, which leaves two options: react differently or re-frame things to change how you perceive the situation so that it no longer stresses you.

For example, my asthma becomes stressful when it gets out of control. As a result, I’ve changed my approach on dealing with a chronic health matter. In addition to my doctor’s recommendations, I keep a health notebook and make notes on how to best manage it. Now, instead of seeing my asthma as a problem, I’ve re-framed it as a project and a temporary problem to solve.

Every situation is different, so get help. Sometimes bouncing ideas off a friend is enough.

Distraction #3: People Who Drain You

This belongs in the stress category but deserves mention and action on it’s own.

List the people in your life who stress you. You’ll know who they are because spending time with them is draining. Next, make a choice: re-frame the situation or end your relationship.

TIPS FOR HANDLING DRAINING PEOPLE:

• Once you re-frame a situation concerning someone draining, you can discuss your relationship with them and how you’d like to change or restructure it so that it’s no longer stressful.

• Toxic friends. relatives, colleagues, or supervisors can suck the life out of you. Protect your energy and clear you mind by limiting your time with these people or eliminate them from your life altogether.

• Give some thought to what your life would look without them. If it feels wonderful, trust that feeling.

Distraction #4: Numbing Substances

Substances such as drugs, alcohol, and overeating all numb your emotions.

Tips To Avoid Numbing Yourself:

• Start crying and feeling a lot more.

• Talk about your problems with a friend or professional.

• By shifting from numbing to feeling, your inner self will begin to surface in the way of intuition.

• Trust your gut with making decisions that make sense and feel good for you.

• Please work with a professional in this area if you’re unable to taper off the substances on your own, especially if you’re addicted to medications. In some instances, going cold turkey can be dangerous to your physical and mental health.

Distraction #5: BURNOUT

Leading a life of burnout because of working or doing too much are emotionally numbing activities.

Read the substances section above because it also applies to workaholics, whether you’re working for income or you’ve over scheduled your life in the service of others. Both are detrimental to a clear mind.

TIPS IF YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM BURNOUT

• Cut down the time you spend working or change your schedule more frequently and notice the benefits.

• Add short bursts of exercise to break up the pattern of your day.

• Learn to enjoy the art of doing nothing. Doing nothing stills your mind and makes room for solving a problem or coming up with amazing ideas or solutions without even trying. And it feels good.

Distraction #6: Denying The Existence of Your Inner Self

Just as you are not your thoughts, you are certainly more than your physical self.

You have a higher self that possesses lots of wisdom and will always direct you toward paths of learning that are good for you.

Knowing and listening to your inner voice is an essential part of gaining clarity with what you want from your new life.

What to do when new ideas and solutions present themselves:

• Write down your ideas and solutions, whether it’s a dream lifestyle or practical option. Practicality and the life you dream of can often intersect.

• Review each possibility to see how it makes you feel on an emotional and practical level.

• Test drive some possible options for your new life to see how they fit.

One of my dreams was to live a life of travel with my family, which meant living on the road and using the world as a schoolhouse for my twin boys.

Test Driving A New Life:

I tested this by doing short trips at first and then later, by adding longer adventures as the kids got older. It turns out that traveling for three or four months at a time every two years is what works best for us.

What I Learned:

• The kids don’t like to travel full-time because they miss their friends, activities, grandparents, and toys. For myself, I’ve learned that full-time travel with two young boys is life generating and tons of work behind the scenes with shifting cities and sometimes countries every four to seven days.

• With booking transport and living accommodations, my life alternates between mom, teacher, entrepreneur, writer, and full-time travel agent. I loathe the travel booking, as sometimes if can take hours or days when things don’t go as planned.

• After testing a full-time traveling lifestyle, I now realize how much I love where I live in South Florida and how a sense of home gives my heart and soul what it needs.

• It’s important that you somewhat immerse yourself while trying out a new life. This can look many different ways. Before I started graduate school for psychology, I interviewed several psychologists working in different fields to test my options.

• Talk with people who are living a life close to what you’re considering to ask questions and get feedback.

• Starting over looks different for each of us because we all have our own personalities, values, and dreams. Personal fit is important.

• It’s important to check in with your intuition ( your higher self ) on a regular basis to make sure you’re aligned with what you really want.

• Develop the life change skills you need. Knowing where you’re going and why are important steps in starting over.