HOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT WHEN STARTING OVER

You’re starting over in life and getting clear on what you want is your first priority.

When deciding what life you want to live, the first thing you should do is always the same:

Clearing the noise of your mind and checking in with your higher self is powerful because once your mind is free of distractions, you’ll feel a shift toward ideas and solutions for possible futures for yourself.

Think of this shift as your new ability to connect to your inner guidance system (also known as intuition.)

It’s always been there, although the skill of tapping into your inner guidance system only develops when you’ve turned down the noise coming from outside distractions.

Distractions To Clarity:

(In no particular order: Each is as important as the other.)

Distraction #1: Random Thoughts

First, accept that you are not your thoughts. Our brains are hard-wired for survival, which means that some thoughts come and go on that basis. Irrational random thoughts, such as, “I can’t do this,” or “I’m not enough of that,” are simply brain pollution.

To minimize irrational thoughts, read or listen to the audio book, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. His voice is soothing and his wisdom is highly actionable.

Distraction #2: Daily Stress

Your daily stress gets in the way of a clear mind. Stress comes from your reaction to a situation that your body and mind find adverse or demanding, which leaves two options: react differently or re-frame things to change how you perceive the situation so that it no longer stresses you.

For example, my asthma becomes stressful when it gets out of control. As a result, I’ve changed my approach. In addition to my doctor’s recommendations, I keep a health notebook and make notes on how to best manage it. Now, instead of seeing my asthma as a problem, I’ve re-framed it as a project and a temporary problem to resolve. Update (2026) Been off my inhaler almost two years.

Every situation is different, so get help. Sometimes bouncing ideas off a friend is enough.

Distraction #3: People Who Drain You

This belongs in the stress category but deserves mention and action on its own.

List the people in your life who stress you. You’ll know who they are because spending time with them is draining. Next, make a choice to re-frame or change the situation.

TIPS FOR HANDLING DRAINING PEOPLE:

• Once you re-frame a situation concerning someone draining, you can discuss your relationship with them and how you’d like to change or restructure it so that it’s no longer stressful.

• Toxic friends, relatives, colleagues, or supervisors can suck the life out of you. Protect your energy and clear your mind by limiting your time with these people or consider if it’s time to move on from the relationship.

Distraction #4: Numbing Substances

Substances such as drugs, alcohol, and overeating all numb your emotions.

Tips To Avoid Numbing Yourself:

• Start crying and feeling a lot more.

• Talk about your problems with a friend or professional.

• By shifting from numbing to feeling, your inner self will begin to surface.

• Trust your gut with making decisions that make sense and feel good for you.

• Please work with a professional in this area if you’re unable to taper off the substances on your own, especially if you’re addicted to medications. In some instances, going cold turkey can be dangerous to your physical and mental health.

Distraction #5: BURNOUT

Leading a life of burnout because of working or doing too much on autopilot can be emotionally numbing.

Read the substances section above because it also applies to workaholics, whether you’re working for income or you’ve over-scheduled your life, both can be detrimental to a clear mind.

TIPS IF YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM BURNOUT

• Cut down the time you spend working or change your schedule more frequently and notice the benefits.

• Add short bursts of exercise to break up the pattern of your day.

• Learn to enjoy the art of doing nothing. Doing nothing stills your mind and makes room for solving a problem or coming up with amazing ideas or solutions without even trying. And it feels good.

Distraction #6: Denying The Existence of Your Inner Self

Just as you are not your thoughts, you are certainly more than your physical self.

You have a higher self that has lots of wisdom and will always direct you toward paths of learning that are good for you.

Knowing and listening to your inner voice is an essential part of gaining clarity with what you want from your new life.

What to do when new ideas and solutions present themselves:

• Write down your ideas and solutions, whether it’s a dream lifestyle or practical option. Practicality and the life you dream of can often intersect.

• Review each possibility to see how it makes you feel on an emotional and practical level.

• Test drive some possible options for your new life to see how they fit.

One of my dreams was to live a life of travel with my family, which meant living on the road and using the world as a schoolhouse for my twin boys.

Test Driving A New Life:

I tested this by doing short trips at first and then later, by adding longer adventures as the kids got older. It turns out that traveling for three or four months at a time is what worked best for us. Update: The kids are now teens in high school and they love the steady pace of living in one place and spending time with their friends so we travel less often and at shortened bursts, but at one time we lived as a traveling family of road warriors between the years of 2015 to 2019.

What I Learned:

• The kids don’t like to travel full-time because they miss their friends, activities, grandparents, and toys. For myself, I’ve learned that full-time travel with two young boys is life generating and tons of work behind the scenes with shifting cities and sometimes countries every four to seven days.

• With booking transport and living accommodations, my life alternates between mom, teacher, entrepreneur, writer, and full-time travel agent. I don’t care for doing the travel booking, as sometimes it can take hours or days when things don’t go as planned.

• I love traveling to new places and learning about other cultures. Other than the once in a while odd booking issue, it’s a pace that I love and enjoy. I rarely over-schedule our trips with tight timelines between activities. It’s all about the experiences for me and the magical stuff that happens in between what you thought would happen.

• After testing a full-time traveling lifestyle, I now realize how much I love where I live in South Florida and how a sense of home gives my heart and soul what it needs. I’ll never stop visiting other cultures though. It’s in my blood now.

• It’s important that you try short bursts of immersing yourself in activities that align with sampling your new life. This can look many different ways. Before I started graduate school to become an industrial-organizational psychologist, I interviewed several psychologists working in different fields to get information about testing my options.

• Talk with people who are living a life close to what you’re considering to ask questions and get feedback.

• Starting over looks different for each of us because we all have our own personalities, values, and dreams. Personal fit is important.

• It’s important to check in with your gut on a regular basis to make sure you’re aligned with what you really want.

• Develop the life change skills you need. Knowing where you’re going and why are important steps in starting over.